Final entry - for now...

January 30, 2006

It's been a long time - too long - since I've updated this journal.  Why?  Partly because I've been busy, but mostly because I didn't know what to say.  Apparently, after seven amazing years, this poet is no longer on the road. 

My life here in Branson has been nothing less than wonderful.  Although the hours on my job are long and the labor intensive, I really do enjoy it.  Every single day, I'm given the opportunity to make a difference in someone's life.  For the short time they are in the restaurant, I can make them feel important and respected.  I can make them feel loved and cared for.  And yes, I know it's a very small difference... but it's mine to make and I am honored.  And just think... I'm actually getting PAID to enjoy serving my brothers and sisters.  The tips are more than I had dreamed possible... and every single day I go home knowing that I have more money in my pocket then I deserve.  Only the Lord is responsible for such prosperity, because He opens the hearts of those I serve... and they become generous beyond belief. 

And because of that generosity, the first week of November, 2005, I made the final payment on my little piece of the Earth here in Branson.  Now I'll always have a place to park my motor home and a place to write.  That was why I took the job as "server" in the first place; to pay for this land... and now it is done - which means I'm  free to go back on the road.

But something kept nagging at me; something besides the fact that during the first freeze in December, my fresh water holding tank froze and cracked so I can no longer carry water.   That was really strange because I'm hooked up to city water so the water in my holding tank was the exact same water that made it all through last winter without freezing, even during three weeks of record setting/single digit cold temperatures.  Even Randy, my friendly RV repairman, shook his head in disbelief.  But even without my water tank, I should have been eager to get back on the road, but instead... I found myself hesitating - and now I know why.

My motor home was built in 1986 and this year I had to replace the furnace and make quite a few other repairs.  Recreational vehicles were not intended for full-time living; instead they were made for vacations and short term use.  I've been living in "Faith" for five years now... and gradually, things are wearing out.  I'll be 55 years old this year, so I have to wonder if Faith (my motor home) will last as long as I do.  My needs are quite modest, but I have to admit that it would be nice to have a secure roof over my head when the time comes that I'm too old to work.  The physical demands of my job are intensive and I don't know how many more years my "back" will last, which is why I thought that maybe I should stay and work at the restaurant long enough to buy a little "park model" RV to put on my lot.  Then I would never have to worry about having a home... then I could devote the rest of my life to using my gift to make a difference.

But again, I hesitated... thinking that perhaps I was just being selfish and that the Lord would be disappointed in me if I didn't continue to travel and seek out those who need inspiration and comfort most, regardless of personal sacrifice.  Ever since I left Gold Beach in 1998, the words "... worry not about where you shall sleep or what you shall eat..." have been my motto and I have never suffered... so why should I worry about it now?  I don't know, but the feeling was so strong, so I decided to ask my Lord for His guidance.

And there was another reason I thought I should leave Branson and go back on the road again.  I've always thought that my gift was best used in places where the people needed it most... meaning those who are suffering and angry and those who don't accept Jesus as their Savior.  Life can be torturous when you don't understand the "big picture" so I want nothing more than to help others find the peace and contentment I have found..  But unbelievable as it sounds... there just aren't many people like that in this area.  No matter where I go... the store, the bank, or even to work, I find myself surrounded by those who have accepted Jesus as their savior and God as their Lord and Master.  Here in Branson, the light of faith shines brightly... which is why I thought I should go somewhere else.  Well, that was MY thinking...but it was time to stop thinking... and start listening.  Only God can direct my path, so naturally, I put the question in His most capable and loving hands.

On January 1, 2006, I began my yearly three-month layoff from work.  Not only is my job wonderful because not a single day goes by that I don't get a chance to bear my testimony, or because they made me supervisor and now I can help keep it the kind of place where I'm honored to work, but it's also because every winter they give me three months off;  three months in which to become Abigayle the poet and "cheerleader for the people" again.  

This year my lay-off began on January 1st, 2006, so I chose that week to put everything else aside and spend a few days in fast and prayer.  That is how I show my Father in Heaven how serious I am about needing His guidance, and I definitely needed it now.  Which path would he have me take?  Should I go back on the road, or should I stay here and prepare a place to live out my days, a place to write gospel songs and poems of praise and a place to work on the book about my Journey? 

Well, my friends.  I did get my answer... and now there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am to remain here in Branson, at least for the time being.  I am to continue working AND continue ministering to those He will bring to me.  I am sure now that the Lord wants me to have a safe place to rest as I grow old and a place to use the gifts He has given me to further His work.  He has done His part - and now I must do mine; which means working hard... with a smile in my heart and joy in my step as I continue to share His message at every opportunity.

And since I spent that "special time with the Lord", I feel absolutely driven to complete the book I've been writing about my journey.  I go to sleep thinking about it - and I wake up thinking about it.  If the story is written well and interestingly told, many more people will be influenced and encouraged than by my traveling and speaking before groups. 

So that's what I have been doing; writing... and writing... and writing.  My muscles, once honed and strengthened by 10 hour shifts at work, are rapidly getting weaker, but my fingers are flying... and my spirit is soaring.  God didn't perform the miracles I have seen JUST for me.  They're for everyone I can reach by telling the story.  That is how I can magnify His works... and that is my job right now.  Yes, I have my answer... and once again, I am at peace.  Isn't it wonderful that we have someone so wise and loving to guide us? 

And during those days of fast and prayer, I got even more than I bargained for; another question was answered - one that I didn't even ask.  I found out that I was completely wrong about something else.  (Big surprise there...)  I had thought that the Lord wanted me to reach out to those souls who were lost and afraid... but I was wrong.  He wants me HERE because He wants me to minister to HIS people... those who already worship Him but still find themselves tired, confused and in need of encouragement.  Yes I am, and always will be, a cheerleader for the people... but for HIS people.  And now I know... that's why he brought me here in the first place, and kept bringing me back each time I left.  Someday this area will become a gathering place for His people.  I have no idea when that will be, but already many "preparers" are being called and when the time comes, HIS people will flock here by the thousands, seeking "Safe Haven".  It's so clear now that I can't believe it didn't see it before.  I must help prepare such a place, (one of many I hope); a "Safe Haven... and then I must be here to welcome my brothers and sisters as they arrive.

WOW!  What an honor... almost too big for my mind to grasp.  But for now I have to push aside those wondrous thoughts and concentrate on step one... finishing my book and finding the right publisher.  Any and all money I make from the sale of the book will then be used to buy the land that will someday become  a "Safe Haven" for others.  (Yes, the Holy Spirit even gave me the name; Safe Haven) And it won't be a place for those who have money... like so many others that are being built right now.  No, this "Safe Haven" will be for our brothers and sisters in Christ who need shelter and are willing to contribute whatever skills they may have.  When the time comes, the Lord will bring them... and I will be ready.  ("Build it - and they will come...")  My friends, I can't describe the overwhelming feeling of clarity and peace that has come over me now that my mission is clear.   One journey has ended - and a new one has begun.  Isn't God amazing!

And so for now I shall continue to spend my days working on the book... until April, that is, when I'll go back to the restaurant and begin earning my little "park model" RV.  It could be many years away, or a just a few for that matter, but it doesn't matter.  If "I do my part - the Lord will do his"... and I shall be ready.

But because this "poet is no longer on the road", I won't be making regular journal entries anymore.  Instead, I'm opening a new category on the home page.  It's called "From ME to YOU".  Sometimes I  get an unexplainable urge to put thoughts on paper for no particular reason other than the emotions that fill my soul bursting cry out to be released.  The drive is so strong that when it happens I have no choice but to stop whatever I'm doing and simply let the words flow. I've never really shared these musings before... but from now on, I will share them with you... and with all those who care to listen. 

And sometimes people email me with spiritual questions or life problems; people I've never even met before.  Of course I ALWAYS pray that the Holy Spirit guide my words before I sit down to write my answer, and some of these will be posted under the "From ME to YOU" category as well.  No problem is unique... so it is my hope that there are others out there who could benefit from the answers.  Believe me, my friends - this is not ego talking.  I am no one special; only a conduit... a word master, and the credit is never mine.  What IS mine is the joy of making a difference in someone's life.

And even as I sit here today, writing this final entry, I find myself so filled with joy and awe that I can't help but laugh out loud with pleasure and excitement.  Yes, my seven year journey is over... but now I have a new mission.  First the book - and then "Safe Haven".  Who could have imagined?  Not I...

But then... man proposes - and the Lord disposes"...

So take care my friends, treasure every moment... and "walk with Jesus".  He'll show you the way!

I love you...

Abigayle