November 15, 2000
Boy, it sure feels good to be on the road again! It was wonderful visiting family and friends in Oregon and I will sorely miss them, but I have a job to do... and it's time.
Even though my visit "home" was a real pleasure, it was also emotionally difficult. For the last two years, I've been simply Abigayle the poet, resident of everywhere, sister to all. But now that I have returned to the place where I spent a lifetime as wife, mother and career woman, a place where I was familiar with every turn in the road... it's as though I was suddenly jerked back to THAT reality and Abigayle the Poet began to fade. For the first time since driving away from my home in Gold Beach, Oregon two years ago, I actually shed tears when I left Portland yesterday, and now I feel torn between two very different lives.
It's only natural that I would I enjoy having a place to call home, and it goes without saying that I miss having my sons and grandchildren around me. But I know that someday I will have all those things again and in the meantime, I must not allow my desire for something I do not have, to effect what I must do today. But how long will it take me to "forget" again? (Well - perhaps "forget" is the wrong term since we always carry our past with us.) But how long will it take me to relegate that portion of myself to the back-burners of my mind? Right now, I need to concentrate fully on the challenges of today, and after revisiting my home, it's just a bit more difficult. But there is one thing I am absolutely sure of; I have been given the gift of "today" and I refuse to waste even a single moment of it.
After all, I've had an amazing life - but it is because I have been so blessed that I must now give something back. The 21st Century may be an "easy" time labor wise, but it's an extremely difficult time spiritually speaking. What happened to the borders we once tried to live within? When did integrity, honor, morality and courtesy become unpopular? How did the line between right and wrong get so blurred? It's a confusing time for many good and loving people, and I want only to remind them of something they already know; that life is a gift... When the constant pressures of every day living threaten to rob you of the simple pleasures, it's time to stop and look around. Take stock of what you DO have, rather than what you DON'T have. We, as Americans, are the most fortunate people on earth and it's vital that we recognize and appreciate that good fortune. If somehow I can use my gift of words to make even a very small difference... I will be satisfied.
And so, here I go again; driving away into the unknown. It gives me butterflies just thinking about it. If I don't have any more unexpected breakdowns, and the price of gas doesn't take a drastic jump, I'm pretty sure I have enough money to make it all the way to Texas. And if I don't, I can always stop and perform along the way. Why am I going to Texas? Don't ask me - because I haven't the slightest idea. For some reason, I just know that's where I'm supposed to go. But first, I'll visit my mother in Sacramento for a couple of days. Then I'll drive to Parker, Arizona where I'll spend Thanksgiving with my friends Ray and Judy. Eventually, I'll make it to Texas. I just wish I knew why I feel as though I must go to a place where I have no friends - and no family. Perhaps someday when I look back on this great adventure, I'll understand... but until then, I'll just have to travel on faith.
Right now my immediate concern is driving over the Siskiyou Summit in Northern California. It's been snowing heavily there and unfortunately, I didn't manage to fit new tires into my budget. (Oh well...) If I wanted to avoid bad weather over the pass, I probably should have left Portland sooner, but I wanted to stay and savor every moment as long as possible. I've been keeping a close eye on the weather forecast and I think right now (tomorrow), is my best shot at a "no snow" drive. I sure do hope those forecasters are right.
I'll be sure to check in again before I get to Texas, but until I get a cell phone with Internet access (or a laptop), I'll have to find people willing to let me use their telephone line in order to update this journal. So, if you don't hear from me for a while, you'll understand why.
WISH ME LUCK!
Abigayle (see picture below)
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I couldn't leave Portland without saying goodbye to the mountain on which I have spent so many glorious hours. From skiing to camping - hiking to white water rafting... Mt. Hood will always be my special place.