Journal entry - November 14, 2001
"Slow down time - I want to get off"....That is the title to a poem I wrote in 1977 and it still stands true today. Since I last updated this journal, I have visited 15 states, acquired a new (to me) RV and started recording my poetry. It's been so long, I hardly know where to begin...so let's start where I left off....my trip to Branson, Missouri last summer..
Because I'm writing a book about my adventures on the road, this journal is only meant to share a few of the highlights, and believe me... Branson was certainly one of the biggest! My new friends (Tom and Mary) could not have been better hosts. Mary (as a member of the Branson Arts Council) had arranged for a "reception in my honor", complete with invitations, food and drink and a performance by Abigayle (me!). I was literally dumbfounded when Mary showed me the invitation. I had expected nothing; just a visit and perhaps a chance to meet some prospective contacts...but when she placed that invitation in my hand, I couldn't believe it. Well, that was on Monday (the day of my arrival), and the reception/performance was scheduled for Friday, so I had five whole days to experience the "REAL" talent that literally overflows the boundaries of Branson, Missouri. That first night we went to a restaurant for dinner, and even the waiters and waitresses were so talented I was awe struck (and feeling quite humble about what little I had to offer). I am simply a poet and songwriter...The Lord didn't bless me with a beautiful singing voice and although I play several instruments well enough to be enjoyed around the campfire...I'm HARDLY in the same league as these talented professionals. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach gathering...and for the very first time, I actually began to DREAD my performance on Friday. During the remainder of that week, Tom and Mary took me to three different shows ....each one a true celebration of talent...and each one leaving me less and less confident about my own ability. What was I doing here? Would they laugh? Now I was getting really WORRIED!
I mean, it's one thing to offer a glass of water to a very thirsty man in the desert but quite another to offer that same glass of water to a man standing in a pool of clear, cool spring water. There is SO MUCH talent in Branson, how could my poems, songs and stories possibly stand up to the comparison? They couldn't....and I was truly afraid!
But no...that can't be right. I wasn't afraid (per se). I can speak to ANY audience -ANYWHERE - with no fear. What I was really afraid of was rejection. In other words, it was my "ego" that was afraid...and shame on me! I know the Lord wants me to use my gift to make a difference....so where does my self-esteem enter the picture? It doesn't....and it can't....so after much prayer and reflection, I did my best to quiet the butterflies in my stomach and concentrate on sharing my message; no matter WHO was in the audience or what they might think of me..
It turned out to be a lovely reception at the Branson Arts Council! The people were wonderful and the food delicious. Since I am not a singer (nor a professional musician), the hardest part of all was pulling out my guitar and sharing my songs. Perhaps it was a personal test...just how much am I really willing to put on the line? Well, I did it. I performed for almost two hours and not one person got up and walked out...(A good sign?) I guess my fears were unfounded and it turned out to be a great night. But the best part of all was that I met some really wonderful people who seemed genuinely interested in helping me further my career. They were MOST encouraging and even invited me back to Branson when I have more time to stay (only had one week this trip). Several people said they would like to introduce me to people who might be helpful in bringing my work to the public. More than one person there told me that my poetry was by far better when actually presented by the artist...not just written on paper. (Interesting...) I promised that I would return next Spring and plan to stay longer, and so I shall. But before then, I need to record some of my work so I have something tangible to present to anyone who might be interested. (A new project...)
I only stayed in Branson for eight days because I had arranged to meet Tommy. By that time, I was pretty much out of money (it was a long and expensive trip) and he asked me to spend a few weeks helping him at his booth. It was the perfect way for me to refill my coffers, so naturally, I jumped at the opportunity. Our first stop was "Fair St. Louis" where we spent the entire 4th of July week. We were parked right on the bank of the Mississippi River and only a 100 yards or so from the great Arch. It was a real treat to watch the magnificent 4th of July fireworks over the river. So many things happened....from pain to pleasure, that I can't even begin to tell you the whole story. Let's just say that it will be a very interesting chapter in my book and that even though things got a little confused for a while, in the end, Tommy and I parted the best of friends. I must admit that I learned a great deal about myself during the trials and tribulations of those weeks. You know, it's a whole lot easier to "talk the talk" than it is to "walk the walk" and I really had the opportunity to test myself. And guess what? I'm JUST FINE! The power of my faith never left me...not for a moment and I thank the Lord for that!
It was HOT - HOT - HOT (record setting hot) during the months of July and August in the Midwest and the humidity was near 100%. Boy, did the cool breezes of my home on the Pacific Northwest Coast sound like heaven! During our travels we set up booths at the big Osh Kosh fly-in and at Country Thunder in Wisconsin. (More great adventures!) Helping Tommy vend is such a totally different experience for me...a slice of life I had never tasted before and I'm glad I had the opportunity. I've played a sport for a living, been "girl Friday" to three private detectives, been a legal secretary/paralegal, owned my own business, sold cars and even served food in a fine dining restaurant, but this was a whole new world. By the time that six weeks was over and I was by myself on the road again, I was more than ready for some quiet time....QUIET TIME? What's that! I think I've forgotten what that means!
August rolled around and at last it was time to head back to the West Coast (where it would hopefully be COOLER!) Of course there were a few deserts and some extremely high mountains to cross first...but at least, I was headed west! Apparently my desire for "quiet time" was not in the cards, because all the way back from Missouri to California, I had mechanical breakdown after mechanical breakdown. Poor Lucky! 25 years old and still driving me all over the country. It got so that I was afraid to shut off my motor - wondering whether it would start again. But eventually, with my Guardian Angel definitely working overtime, I made my way back to California where I used my mother's house in Sacramento as home base. I did a couple of performances while in Sacramento, but actually I spent most of my time searching for another RV. I love "Lucky" but thanks to the shows I worked with Tommy, I managed to earn enough money to upgrade to a newer and more dependable vehicle. (The blessings just keep raining down!!) Actually, "dependable" was only part of what I was looking for. Now that I had a keyboard, computer and other much needed equipment, I wanted a room in the back that I could convert into a studio. I've gotten along without a generator for three years now, but with all the computer and musical equipment I'm carrying, I found myself needing one. That way I can create no matter where I'm parked, (which usually means no electricity). Gee, Abigayle....you don't want much, do you? And if that wasn't asking enough...I also wanted a good home for Lucky. You can't just throw away an old friend you know, and Lucky has certainly served me well.
It didn't take me long to realize that the money I had earned wasn't going to go very far in my search for an RV. I must have looked at a hundred of them in my price range...and they were all "worn out". Then one day, I saw an add in the paper...and a really strong feeling came over me. I had already decided to name my next RV "Faith" because I truly had faith that I would find her....and that I would recognize her when I did. But I have to admit, I was becoming quite discouraged. Then I read that simple ad in the Sacramento newspaper. It didn't say much, (33 feet/6.5 generator/twin beds) but it actually gave me butterflies, (almost always a good sign). So, I called the number in the ad (Great Escapes RV) but unfortunately the news wasn't good. They said that they were closing in one hour and that someone else had just left whoalready wanted to buy it. These other people hadn't actually put down a deposit but were planning to return in the morning to buy her. When I told them where we (my mother and I) were coming from, they didn't think I'd have time to make it. It was strange. Instead of trying to "get" me to come in and buy it...they were discouraging me. (Probably because they already had a buyer.) But we decided to give it a try and rushed out the door. That meant we would be driving all the way across Sacramento during rush hour traffic, but we made it!
When I drove up and saw her for the first time...I didn't even need to look inside or start up the motor. I just knew.....there was "Faith"! I had found her. Now, if only they would accept the small amount of money I had to offer, "Faith" and I would become a team.
To make a very long story short, "Faith" became part of my life. I felt a little sorry when I went back the next day to pick her up because the "other" customers were there and I heard first hand how disappointed they were. They really had their hearts set on her, and I felt a little guilty for my pleasure causing their pain. But she is wonderful and I think I was meant to have her. I'm only her second owner and obviously the first one must have taken wonderful care of her. She has just 57,000 miles...so it looks like I'll have to see what I can't do about adding a few more.
My two sons drove all the way to Sacramento from Portland, Oregon just to help me convert the rear room into a studio. They only had one weekend (including driving time) to spend with me, so naturally, ONE full day went to remodeling and the OTHER one was spent at Six Flags riding the roller coasters. I guess they truly take after their mother! (Work hard...play hard!) What a wonderful way it was to get the "wind back in my sails". So... now I have a studio in the back and a generator that will meet all my creative needs on the road. And guess what? Even Lucky found a wonderful home! (Another story for the book.) Sometimes I feel so blessed....I get a lump in my throat. How did I get so lucky? (no pun intended...) I know, I had faith! (pun intended...)
The first week of November, I met Tommy again (a reunion of sorts) on the Pacific Ocean between Ventura and Santa Barbara where we celebrated my 50th birthday. My first journey in Faith was FULL of adventure as she had been stored for quite awhile and had a few "bugs" to get out of her system. After two days on the road, I found myself broken down in the mountains of Northern California needing a new starter (and no town within 20 miles). And that was only one of several incidents that truly tested my faith in "Faith"....(cute)... Perhaps I can blame my hormones....or could it be celebrating my 50th birthday....I'm not sure. But whatever the reason, I suddenly found myself extremely emotional and often wondering "what am I doing here?" You know the drill... 50 years old and no actual job, no retirement pension, no home or possessions other than what I carry with me, and no one to share my life with. Perhaps I was just a little lonely and feeling insecure. Or perhaps it was the events of September 11 that left me dazed and unsure? Or maybe... I was just tired and needed to stop and think for awhile without worrying about whether my RV would start in the morning. Who knows...but if the difficulties we face are truly the blocks upon which our character is built, then I've spent the last few months in "school" ... and I should be glad for the opportunity to better myself.
For my birthday, Tommy gave me a 6 track recorder/mixer, so now I can use my keyboard, guitar, flute and my poetry to create my own complete works of art on tape. As soon as I figure out how to use it, I plan to spend this winter recording some of my old poetry and songs as well as writing new ones. Fortunately, I have some wonderful friends (Ray and Judy, who are also first class patrons of my art) living in Parker, Arizona who offered me a place to park my RV while I work on my newest project. (More Blessings!) I also need to come up with the funds to get back to Branson next Spring...so, this winter promises to be full of challenges! The reason I was going to Parker in the first place was that I was asked to write and perform a special poem for the 50th anniversary celebration of my friends Dick and Dottie and believe me...that was a true mission of joy. It was wonderful to be among friends and loved ones (with no place to go in the morning). Guess maybe I did need a rest after all! So, here I am...between Parker and Lake Havasu City on the Colorado River, enjoying some of the most beautiful desert scenery, (and awesome winter weather) you could ever hope to find! Life is good!
Like I said earlier, these journal entries share only a few of the highlights, but speaking of "highlights"....on the way to Parker from Los Angeles, one of my front tires blew out while doing 65mph on a 5 lane stretch of freeway during rush hour in Los Angeles. I was in a middle lane (of course) and it was nothing short of a miracle that I didn't have a major accident. Fortunately, I made it to the shoulder of the freeway, but the tread that broke loose from my tire did some body damage to "Faith". It sure scared the heck out of me! I thought I had hit someone. Boom! And suddenly, I could barely control her. Whew! That was way too close! I guess I'll have to try and get her repaired this winter. It's nothing major, but I did have to buy two new tires. Gee.....never a dull moment!
I've put a picture of "Faith" at the bottom of this page and when I have completed my first tape/CD, I'll let you know....in case any of you would like a copy. Best wishes to all!
Abigayle
My new (to me) RV named "Faith" parked at the ocean for my birthday.
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