February 28, 2001
Where does the time go? I can't believe it's almost Spring already. So much has happened since I last wrote to you, there's no way I can catch you up on everything.. When I finish the book I'm writing about my adventures (Poetry on the Road) you'll be able to share all the AMAZING details of a story filled with adventure, danger, miracles and pure unadulterated joy! In the meantime, I will simply touch upon a few of the highlights.
Let's see, where did I leave you in my last journal entry? Oh yes... my Christmas retreat in the desert....all I can say is WOW! It was the most wonderful Christmas I have ever experienced. The weather this year was unusually cold, even in the deserts of Arizona, so I woke up each morning to find ice on the inside of my windows. That would have been fine if my furnace was working, but it wasn't. When I said I was going to spend Christmas without the luxuries of modern day life as we know it, I didn't plan to take it quite THAT far! When I arrived at my secluded spot in the desert it was daytime...and it was warm and sunny....but then when the sun went down, the temperature dropped drastically and it was suddenly COLD, COLD, COLD. Naturally I fired up my propane furnace and reveled in the warmth of my little RV named Lucky. Unfortunately, that warm and toasty comfort only lasted about 15 minutes. Then I noticed that the furnace was blowing cold air instead of warm - and soon, it wasn't blowing any air at all. I decided to start my engine and recharge the battery (just in case) but guess what? My battery was already dead. In fact, BOTH batteries were dead so I couldn't even start my motor. Apparently, there would be no heat that night, so rather than freeze...I lit a candle and crawled under two sleeping bags and a blanket, again thanking the Lord that I had two sleeping bags and a blanket under which to crawl.
The next morning, I tried to figure out what went wrong with my charging system, to no avail. Since I know next to nothing about such things, I decided to forget about it until after Christmas and concentrate solely on my real purpose for being there (rather than my own discomfort). After all, mankind has managed to live without furnaces since the beginning of time...so who was I to complain. During my Christmas fast, I had planned to go without television, radio, or books of any kind (other than the Bible), so now I would simply forego "heat" and "lights" as well.. No big deal.
The first day of my fast was my day of adjustment. After the rigors or traveling and performing, suddenly there was no television, radio or even a novel to read. There were no neighbors or sounds of traffic and I was alone with only my thoughts. This was my time to get tuned in. I've never been very good at sitting still, nor have I ever had a Christmas without a tree and what some might call "excessive" household decorations, so (being a creature of habit) I decided to spend much of that first day "finding" and "making" what would be my only Christmas decoration. I soaked up the sunshine while I combed the area for agates, crystal and quartz...until I had a big bucket full of them. Then I arranged the quartz and crystal in a big circle (at least 7 feet across) and finished by making a star of agates in the middle. If I do say so myself, it was beautiful as it sparkled and glistened in the sun. It was my tribute...my STAR in honor of the birth of baby Jesus. My labors took most of the day (Christmas Eve) and I finished just as the sun began to set. (Uh-oh, here comes the COLD again!) But before I went inside to huddle under my sleeping bags, I got my camera out and took pictures of the star (which, by the way, do NOT do it justice). I put one of the pictures at the end of this entry so you can see it, but remember, it looks much better when the light reflects through the agates and that it's at least 7 or 8 feet across. I was so stunned by its beauty that before I left my little place in the desert, I picked up each and every one of those rocks and took them with me. Perhaps I'll set them up again someday, and remember my special Christmas in the desert.
The time I spent on my Christmas retreat was a record setting cold snap (of course) so each night when the sun dropped below the horizon and the temperature plunged to well below freezing, I simply climbed beneath my sleeping bags and waited for the warming sun to return. For someone who likes to be busy and sleeps no more than 7 hours a night, it was highly unusual for me to be climbing under the covers at 7:00 each evening. In retrospect, it was a very good lesson for me. I couldn't occupy myself with "busy work" and I was truly and completely alone... with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. So that's exactly what I did; I thought - and thought - and thought some more. It was SO silent that the only sound was the beating of my heart and the sound of air being inhaled and exhaled by my lungs. What was there to do but allow my mind to wander; and wander it did. I spent countless hours just remembering yesterdays....and imagining tomorrows. (Opps...I forgot; there was one especially loud sound. My stomach growling!)
Each morning, I awoke to find ice on both the outside and the inside of my windows. It didn't get warm enough for me to venture out from beneath my covers until at least 9:00 in the morning, (14 hours later) and so... that became my routine; 10 hours reading, writing and praying, 7 hours of still and silent reflection and then 7 hours of sleep. I really do believe it was an important time for me and I actually began to enjoy it.
I had plenty of time for prayer during those quiet hours. After all, I did come to the desert for more than to celebrate the birth of Christ. I came to ask the Lord for his help. I was praying for THREE things and I felt that by fasting and foregoing earthly comforts I would be demonstrating my sincerity and my willingness to sacrifice as I asked for his guidance and strength.
As I said before, I was praying for three things: ONE, I had a health problem that had me concerned because I was without medical insurance and very low on money. I wasn't really worried because whatever happened, I knew I would simply deal with it... But still, it was very much on my mind, so I asked the Lord for help.
TWO, I was lonely. I hate to admit that one, because I know I am NEVER truly alone. I am a part of ALL things and surrounded by brothers and sisters everywhere I go. But after two and a half years on the road, I was feeling a little lonely. I wanted someone to share those beautiful sunsets with; someone to hold me when I was cold or afraid. These feelings were foreign to me because I'm the kind of person who is almost NEVER sad or lonely. In fact, it has been several years since I've shed a tear for any reason other than pure joy. But when I prayed for relief from my loneliness, I was very careful to say "if it be thy will" because I know the Lord has a plan and perhaps I can only accomplish what I must if I am alone. Sometimes NO answer IS an answer... but I had to ask.
My THIRD request was a difficult one. I didn't have the slightest idea how to take the next step in using my gift of poetry to make a difference. I've been performing in hospitals and Senior Centers, schools and libraries, and even rest homes for two and a half years now. Everywhere I go, I've seen the small differences I've been able to make in the people with whom I share my art. After almost every performance, they come up and ask me to sign copies of my work. They tell me that a particular poem or a certain line has helped them understand their own feelings. They thank me for putting what they were feeling into words. After all, that's what I'm really doing; just putting words to the thoughts other people already have. Strange as it seems, it DOES make a difference to some people.
But traveling from town to town as I have been doing, I only reach a very small percentage of my brothers and sisters. In order to reach a larger audience, that would mean publicity and promotion. That would mean "playing the fame game" (something which is in direct conflict with "humility"...a trait I highly value highly in myself). It was catch 22, and I was at an impasse. So I asked the Lord to guide me. To tell you the truth, I would much rather be living in a remote cabin on a mountain somewhere surrounded by animals...writing for the sake of the art itself with no thought as to how people might be affected. But that all changed when I was witness to a miracle... and told (in no uncertain terms) that I was to "use my gift to make a difference". And so I shall...but how? That was my third request.
So, there you have it. Three needs...and one woman alone in the desert, humbly asking for help. After three days and nights of fasting and prayer, I didn't see a burning bush and no angels appeared....but I certainly got my answer! Just as sure as I am writing this journal entry right now, I got my answer. On the fourth morning, I experienced an overpowering urge to take pen in hand and write something. The urge was so strong that I recognized it instantly as coming from somewhere other than myself. It was inspiration on the highest level...and so, without hesitation, I complied.
Fifteen minutes later, I finished one of the best poems I have ever written (in my opinion) and I had my answer. It was not only an answer, but it was a reiteration of the questions. As it came to me (so quickly I could barely write fast enough), I even heard a melody...and so the poem is now a song. When I was finished, my spirit was soaring. That poem was the only answer I needed and I am humbly honored to share it with you. Please use the hyperlink at the bottom of this page if you'd like to read it. It's called "The Lord is With me" and I hope you enjoy it.
Now, back to my story. I ended up spending almost a month in that little spot in the desert. Early in January, some "snowbirds" moved into my area so I asked them for a jump start. After several unsuccessful attempts (and even a new isolator courtesy of my generous neighbors), we gave up on my battery problem. I guess I'm just going to have to earn some money for repairs. Actually, I need tires too...so request number 4; keep my little Lucky on the road.
When I left my special Christmas spot in the desert, I had planned to head south to Texas. But for some reason, when I pulled out onto the main road, my steering wheel just wouldn't turn to the right. I had a VERY strong feeling that I was to go the other way...so, of course, I did. With no idea why, I headed back to Blythe, California. I had already performed there so logically it didn't make any sense at all...but the feeling was strong, so I went. I only had $150 left, but I pulled into the RV park where I stayed when I was performing in Blythe. I decided to spend $50 of my $150 so I could hook up to electricity and have heat and lights for a change. I told the owner of the park that I wanted to stay as long my $50 would last...thinking MAYBE (if he was kind) I could stay a whole week. Boy was I in for a surprise! He wouldn't take any money at all! I was dumbfounded...because he's not a personal friend, nor have I shared any of my work with him. He knows nothing about me or what I am doing on the road, yet for some reason, he adamantly insisted that I stay as long as I wanted...at no charge! It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. Apparently, I was on the path the Lord wanted me to take, and he was working through this man. I felt so unworthy, and yet so honored at the same time. I immediately made a few phone calls to let family and friends know that my plans had changed and I was not on my way to Texas. If the Lord wanted me in Blythe, that was where I would remain until the new path became clear.
During the miracle that sent me on the road in 1998, (a story for the book as it is much too long), I was told "you must use your gift to make a difference." But the voice also said "I will do my part, but you must do yours." So now... I must do my part. I must "listen" with my spirit ears and I must have "faith".
Because this journal entry is already so long (and I have not yet begun to fill you in on all the amazing things that have happened since my sojourn in the desert), let it suffice to say that within three days of leaving my Christmas hideaway and heading for Blythe, my health problem was taken care of AND I met a very nice man who offered me the opportunity to earn the money I need to get Lucky road ready. The truth is, I probably wouldn't have made it to Texas on those old tires anyway so perhaps this was a necessary step. My new friend's name is Tommy and only time will tell if there is to be more to our relationship. Right now, just having the companionship of a friend is awesome and the way we met was another unbelievable story that had the Lord's mighty hand in it. (I hope I can fit all these adventures into only ONE book...)
And on that happy note, I shall close this journal entry. The picture below is the "star" that was my only Christmas decoration in the desert. Next to that is the hyperlink to my newest poem "The Lord is With me". Thank you for sharing my story and I wish you and yours the best life has to offer. God bless you!
Abigayle
Click here to read The Lord is With Me by Abigayle
More than seven feet across, made of agates, crystal and quartz, this was my one Christmas decoration. I was honored when people stopped to take pictures. Unfortunately, this picture doesn't do it justice...as it sparkled and reflected the light of both the sun and the moon.
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