October 26, 2003
If only I knew what I wanted - how SIMPLE my search would become.
My life keeps on changing,
my plans rearranging...
My dreams rise and set with the sun.
Perhaps if I don't TRY to find it - just wait for whatever will be...
the dreams that are mine
I won't NEED to find.
In time, perhaps THEY will find ME!
I’m still in Sacramento, still working on my book and apparently… it’s still SUMMER. The weather has been simply unbelievable! The month of October has brought ZERO rain, temperatures ranging between 85 and 95 degrees, and so many all-time record-breaking days, I’ve lost count. Even the flowers are confused, and my mother’s patio is once again bursting into the colors of Spring. Life is just so amazing! If you take the time to look, even the smallest details are nothing short of miraculous, and I am so very grateful that the Lord gave me this opportunity to experience it. Speaking of "experiences", right now the southern half of this beautiful State is literally in flames. My heart goes out to those poor people who can do nothing but wait while everything they own goes up in smoke. (Personally, I'd prefer the "flood".)
I'm happy to report that my mother is doing much better now, and I do love her dearly… but still, I feel the urge to see what’s around the next corner quietly creeping up on me. Yes, it’s beautiful here in Sacramento, just as it was in the red and gold deserts of Arizona and the lush green hills of Branson, Mo. But there are so many different kinds of beauty that the ones I have yet to see keep tugging at my subconscious... calling me. I haven't been to Florida yet, and I wonder what it would feel like on the beautiful, white sand beaches? How would it smell? How would it sound?
Uh-oh, it looks like I’d better put a leash on my wanderlust for a while because I have some important things to accomplish before I can move on. In fact, I’m not even sure IF my journey will continue at all. Could it be time for me to return to a more normal life? Could it be time for me to settle down in one place? And if so, where?
It's funny, but even though I already miss the wonders of travel – at the same time, I also miss the joy of having a little piece of Earth to call my own. I miss the simple pleasure of working in my flowerbeds or rearranging my furniture. I miss the joy of planting a small garden and watching it grow, and I even miss getting to know my neighbors. I guess the moral to this little story is that you can’t have everything. But how fortunate I am to have experienced both lifestyles… and now I need only to decide which one belongs to me. (Of course, having a place to call home and STILL traveling would be perfect!)
I spent most of this summer putting on shows at the local nursing homes and retirement centers, and I was MORE than amply paid in hugs and smiles. I played my songs on the piano, told stories from the road and shared my poetry with some of the sweetest spirits you could ever hope to find. I was honored (as always) to see them respond so gratefully and I know that no matter WHAT my future holds, I will always find a way to share my message (and my art) with my brothers and sisters on this planet.
But for now, I’m busy working on the book about my adventures on the road, earning money for a new refrigerator/freezer, furnace and engine repairs and asking the Lord to guide me down whichever path HE would have me take. I’ve also been asking him if perhaps there just might be a “mate” somewhere in my future. I would certainly love to share this wondrous journey on Earth with someone special. Yes, my life is good and I am happy… but it would be so much better if I could spend the rest of my time on Earth as part of a team. And this would be the perfect time for me to find him because I’m at a crossroad in my life. I am no longer weighted down by the responsibility of a family and a business so I am free to choose – free to give myself without reservation or hesitation, free to share… free to love… and free to go where ever that love might take me. When I pray for an answer to that particular question, I always qualify it with “if it be Thy will," because that's a chance that it just wasn't meant to be – but then again, maybe it was.
And so… my eyes remain open and my future indefinite. It’s really kind of exciting not knowing what the future holds. That's because I KNOW that it really doesn’t matter. Whether I settle down or continue to travel or whether I find my soul mate or spend the rest of my life alone, I will always be happy. That is the bounty of faith, which is, without doubt, my most valuable possession.
But I still want to be ready, no matter what happens, so in the interest of making my repairs and renovations as quickly as possible, I’ve taken a part-time job serving dinner at Stuart Andersons Steak House. This was my first week on the job, and once again I’m discovering how many of my muscles have gone unused lately. Just think, I get to work out regularly and THEY pay ME to do it. Isn’t life great?
By the way, my mother and I had an AMAZING vacation in my RV last winter. I know I promised to tell you all about it, but it was so unbelievable that I decided it was a story worth publication. (More like a mini-novel than a short story.) Now I’m going to try and get it published in one of those RV travel magazines. I was afraid that if I posted it here on the Internet first (even on my own website), the magazines might consider it already published... which is why you haven’t read the story.
So let’s just say that I treated my mother to a nice, relaxing vacation she’ll NEVER forget! (And THAT is putting it mildly!) Our six days somehow stretched into sixteen, and NOT by choice. We managed to completely empty out a busy rest area in the middle of the night and got quite well acquainted with the California Hazmat Team, the California Highway Patrol, the Oceanside, California Fire Department, and Cal-Trans. We met the “tow truck driver from HELL, and spent more than a week “camped” at an ocean-front AUTO REPAIR SHOP just north of San Diego. I got a new starter, my carburetor rebuilt, my 75-gallon gas tank re-coated (twice), and too many other mechanical extras to list. My RV was dented and my holding tank valve damaged, and I spent the first 30 days AFTER the “vacation” recovering repair costs from the tow truck company. My mother and I were stranded in some very interesting places and found ourselves in some extremely precarious situations. (Just another vacation...)
But through it all, my mother and I had a great opportunity to get to know each other better, especially under duress. It was great, because no matter WHAT happened, we found humor in every situation and constantly felt the hand of God keeping us safe. In spite of our challenges, we did manage to spend a full day at Six Flags Extreme, a day at Sea World in San Diego and a day shopping in Tijuana, Mexico. (Did I mention that one of the reasons I took the job at Stuart Andersons was to pay for repairs?) Oh well, at least now when I DO take off for my next trip, (IF) everything will be in ship-shape order. (After all, there’s nothing left to fix!)
And if I can’t find anyone interested in publishing the story of "My Mother's Relaxing Vacation", I will post it on this website so you, too, can have a good laugh at the “perils of Abigayle and her mother”.
And on that note, my friends, I shall bid you farewell for now and send each and every one of you my love and best wishes.
Abigayle